The Joys of Home Owning Part II

As I mentioned before, I love our house! The cute gingerbreadness of it warms my heart. The bath tub makes me happy. The booth-like table makes me feel homey. Our house is wonderful.

However...

I have a tale of woe, of terror, of disgust, and death. I call it the Tale of the Flies and How They Died or Shea's Amazingly Wonderful Husband Who Loves Her Enough To Kill A Million Flies In Order To Keep Her Happy and Home.

This is the tale.

Once in a far away city called Aurora, a beautiful maiden lived in a small, cute gingerbread house with the love of her life. Their life was happy and simple. They both loved their life, their house, and each other. What could possibly come into their bliss?

Unbeknownst to the happy couple a deadly enemy was hatching an evil plot to rid their home of its happiness. And one day, like Wraiths in the Pegasus Galaxy, they appeared in far greater numbers than any person could possibly imagine. The enemy was the fly. And it had created an army of thousands. (Ok, poetic licence, but at least thirty.) The flies invaded the peaceful, loving home and began to congregate on the windows of the cute gingerbread house.

The beautiful maiden could not handle it and cried to her love to save her. He at once returned home armed with a fly swatter, good looks, and amazing courage. Calmly assuring his love that all would be well, he battled the monsters until only a few remained. The rest littered the floor of the beautiful house until her love disposed of the dead bodies. (I suppose in most stories, the woman should help in this chore of tending to the dead; however, that is not the case in this story. The fair maiden would not go near the dead. They were disgusting.) And so her love vanquished the enemy, but for a few survivors. He then cleaned up the mess of bodies, and the house returned to tranquility and happiness. For one day.

The next day, the enemy again overran the house. And again the handsome love heroically saved his darling from the forces of evil. They both slept that evening with the thought of an enemy-free home. They were sure that no enemy would dare enter their abode again because the swift vengeance of the man would be swift.

The next day, the fair maiden unsuspectingly returned home to her cute, gingerbread house. She was prepared to be a good wife to her love and clean the house and make dinner and have a happy, peaceful home again. However, the poor girl was walking into a trap. As soon as she opened the door, she was confronted with the horrible beasts lazily lounging on the windows. Faced with this horror and no man to rescue her, for her love was not home for another few hours, the maiden did what she does best when faced with a crisis. She cried. And cried. And ran through the house to a safe haven in the bedroom. But still the thought of the monsters in the other room horrified her. And so she gathered her small amount of courage and raced through the infested house to the car outside. She then drove away to safety at the library. Calling her love, she told him that she had fled their home in terror at the monsters. He assured her that he would rescue her again. When he arrived home, he took is vengeance out on the beasts. His vengeance was swift and terrible. Soon, barely a beast was alive in the home. Not only that, but the loving husband also cleaned the house and made preparations for his lady's return.

When she did return, the house was free of the monsters. She greeted her love with much love and thanks for the rescue.

The following days the beasts began to diminish. And finally the handsome, brave hero beat the enemy once and for all. The maid and the hero took a trip to a hardware store and bought a special spray that neutralized the enemy. From that day forward, the enemy was greatly weakened and only a few stragglers remained alive. Those were easy for the hero to defeat one by one throughout the next days.

In fact, as the maiden sat writing at the computer tonight, a monster attacked her, trying to land on her head and on her computer. But she called to her love who rushed to her rescue, killed the beast, removed it from her lap and laughed. She, on the other hand whimpered the whole time, until her brave, loving man had saved her from the disgusting, dangerous, and demonic enemy the fly.

The cute gingerbread house was returned to its state of peace and tranquility and happiness, with our fair maiden and her love living without the fear of invasion.

And that is the tale of woe and hope that is laid before you today.